Coffee Drinking Bullies

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I feel as though I am about to have a fight with a bully, I fully expect this post to be read as hurtful and condemning to many. That may be the case but here goes anyway. I have long been frustrated by coffee drinkers. I realize that probably 95% of those who are in the blogosphere are those who are regular coffee drinkers, actually *ahem* probably not regular coffee drinkers, they are people who are very particular about the coffee they drink.

Most times they take one sip of coffee and declare it to be horrible, or wonderful, or somewhere in between. They do NOT drink any free coffee, especially the coffee served at churches, they do not just go to the corner store for coffee, their coffee must meet very specific requirements and standards. If they make it at home they do not just use a coffeemaker, they must use a various assortment of grinders, presses, and perhaps going as far as to roast their own beans.

I know that I am not cool for criticizing coffee drinkers and their habits, because coffee drinkers are the cool ones. I know this because I have been made fun of when I go out for "coffee" with them and order a coke or a hot chocolate (is that a little whip cream on your upper lip there Trevor? hahaha). I also know this because of the condescending way in which coffee drinkers speak of bad coffee or, heaven forbid those who dislike coffee (when are you going to become an adult, Trevor? haha).

I have been told many times that you just have to "acquire a taste" for the nasty brew. I am just unsure why someone would feel the need to "acquire a taste" for something like coffee. I mean, teaching someone to acquire a taste for vegetables or healthy food, I can understand, but a drink that causes heart disease, high blood pressure, heartburn, stress, damage to mother's babies and horrible breath? I am not sure why I would work at "acquiring a taste" for it. It seems much like "acquiring a taste" for eating poo. Eventually you might like the taste, but does that mean it is good?

Actually, I am convinced that coffee drinkers are the weak ones...cool, but weak...some time ago (usually in late high school or early college), they got together with their friends and someone said, "c'mon everyone is doing it! It will help you, you can study all night if you drink a pot of it...c'mon!" and they gave in and sucked back some of the horrible brew, now they fit in, and were "cool." Eventually, after a few experiences like this they were addicted and can not go back, although they would never want to.

I know that I am not cool, but that hasn't stopped me in the past. I don't need coffee, or the approval of coffee drinkers to make myself feel good. I will just live in my little coffee free bubble over here and drink my whipped cream hot chocolate (are you still drinking children's drinks Trevor? haha).

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

now that was quite a rnt!

Anonymous said...

I meant, that was quite a rant, not rnt!

Outgoing... said...

Oh trevor you made me smile and giggle...
I am sorry that some horrible coffee drinking extremists have obviously made this not only a culinary issue but a more essential critique on your character. I wish I would sway you with supple words of the enticing glory of coffee but I am afraid even my best chosen one's seem hollow in the light of your 'rage'.
thanks for making me smile...

Mark said...

Trevor I agree with you on almost everything you said. Down with the coffee nazis! I too am an abstainer and the looks I get from people are always shocked, condescending, or just awkward. There are a few of us out there, maybe we should start a club - or a support group?

Q&L said...

wow, you put yourself out there!! I hope you hired security before the caffeine high crazies come after you :)

roverT said...

Anonymous, when you said rnt I thought you meant runt, which is what you may turn out to be if you drink too much coffee!

Dale, I think I am past being swayed by the enticing glory of coffee. Thanks for smiling...

Mark, a support group may be necessary...but where would we meet? Coffee shops are out, I can't think of anywhere else to meet!

Thanks for the warning Lyla.

phil said...

this friendship is over.

i love you man.

roverT said...

Phil,
I am trying to figure out how our friendship is over, and you still love me. Is that a tough love type of thing? Sort of like ex-communicating someone from a church? (cause I've heard really good things about that...ya right)

Tiffany said...

Acquire a taste for poo eh? That's funny!